It's so not peanut butter jelly time

Sometimes, life is a huge fucking disappointment. Like today, at the hospital, when I was waiting for mom to get out of surgery and decided to ingest calories for the sake of nourishment. The cafeteria tempted me with peanut-butter-and-jelly lolly pops. I thought to myself, "Self, this is the most amazing thing you have ever seen. You must make it your own."

So I bought it. Turns out the only thing vaguely PB&J about it was the color scheme, which was caramel-colored on the bottom and red on the top and had a generic sugar coating all around. After about 30 minutes of sucking time, the top fell off the stick and I had to toss it or risk choking to death.

I realize that last sentence is hilarious if you're 12.